People Pleasing

 Dear friends,

If you are reading this, you are interested in becoming my friend.  If you stop reading, it is because we aren’t connecting.  This is so basic yet is a challenge which attacks my heart continually.  Why? Because I want people to like me.

As a child I had a deep need to be wanted.  I was not one of those children who wanted to show off for others, but still wanted to be noticed and liked.  With childish understanding, I learned that when you behaved as other people asked you to, people liked you.  I learned to hide my own feelings and outwardly obey others, be agreeable, then people would like me.

I would like to say that this strategy, which was untenable, was thrown over as I matured, but it really was not.  I continued to allow people to direct my life.  I obeyed their wishes because I thought it earned me their favor.  A desire to please people is an idol which will demand obedience.  This was the greater obedience being asked of me.  And this idol competes with full devotion and loyalty to God.

Over the course of time my practice of continually hiding my own feelings to please others became complicated and full of contradictions.  It is impossible to please everyone, but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t going to keep trying.  There did not seem to be another avenue to making friends and being liked.  

Conflict is something I avoid as much as possible; however, the undesirable underbelly of avoiding conflict is misunderstanding or even acceptance of things contrary to what I believe.   The avoidance of conflict follows closely behind that immature behavior of hiding in outward agreeableness while slowly executing your own soul.

It is a lie to believe that being agreeable is the most important character trait we should look for in our family members, friends or acquaintances.  Being challenged should not automatically be considered a sign of disrespect, particularly in those who are learning how to voice their opinions.  We need to do a better job as adults of demonstrating respectful debate and pure argument which is not about character assassination or degrading of the ideas of others.  

One of the greatest gifts we have as human beings is free will.  We were offered this gift in order that we might present it willingly to the Heavenly Father who created us.  He loves us more deeply than any other human being is capable of.  Choosing to please another person above choosing to please God is a wicked idolatry that will destroy you as a person.  God has created your beautiful, individual character, and has specifically designed purposes for the unique story of your life.  Each person matters.  No one person is more important or is more necessary to be pleased than any other person.  There are some personalities that are very strong and demanding of attention, but that does not make them of more value to God than a quiet personality.

Facing the idol of people pleasing and recognizing the power it had in my life, lead me to see how it dictated many of my past choices.  I will also say that choosing not to worship this idol has resulted in broken relationships.  However, living a life of truth has resulted in a deeper fellowship with God and honesty in my relationships.  For someone who did not live this way for the greater part of my life, this is an incredibly free way to live.  I still want people to like me.  I don’t needlessly or aggressively state my opinions, but I honestly know what my own thoughts and words are.  The freedom of living this way is truly living out my faithful walk and worship of God.